Flirting extends beyond igniting romantic feelings; it can contribute positively to your emotional well-being when kept within appropriate boundaries. Mindy DeSeta, Ph.D., a clinical sexologist and mental health counselor from Miami, Florida, describes flirting as a “one-on-one interpersonal experience” that signals an interest in knowing more about someone. She notes that flirting generally feels good and has both emotional and physiological benefits.
Flirting and Brain Chemistry
Flirting can trigger brain chemicals linked to pleasure, reward, and social bonding. This activity may also lower cortisol, the stress hormone, according to DeSeta. She emphasizes that flirting builds confidence through positive social interactions, elevating self-esteem. People often express a desire to flirt as it makes them feel attractive and desired, a typical human experience.
“Flirting may activate brain chemicals involved in pleasure, reward, and social bonding.”
DeSeta advocates for flirting to remain between romantic partners or those pursuing a romantic relationship. She believes flirting releases hormones that foster bonding, which makes it challenging to be purely platonic.
Signs of Relationship Challenge
If you feel compelled to flirt with someone outside your relationship, DeSeta warns this could indicate issues in your relationship. She advocates for daily flirting and dating within partnerships to maintain connection. Occasionally, relationships need rejuvenation. Over time, relationships might turn stale, prompting individuals to seek external validation, particularly through flirting, which can be an easy outlet.
In situations where flirting diverts outside the relationship, whether with a barista or coworker, DeSeta advises redirecting energy toward your partner. Embrace vulnerability and express a desire to rekindle aspects of the partnership.
Reigniting the Spark
Anna Elton, Ph.D., a licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical sexologist in Massachusetts, believes couples often miss the fun shared in earlier stages of their relationship. She identifies the right moment and mindset as crucial for flirting. As couples prioritize schedules, bills, and domestic responsibilities, playful and affectionate interactions may diminish, leading to stress and conflict.
Elton suggests creating a “new language of flirting” to help couples reconnect and nurture intimacy. Small gestures such as a prolonged hug or kiss can rebuild connections.
“Bringing back the spark can involve small ways to rebuild connection, including a 20-second hug or a six-second kiss.”
Engagement in self-care routines can enhance confidence and personal connection. DeSeta highlights the importance of timing, as sometimes flirting efforts might not resonate with your partner if not done thoughtfully.
Positive signals, like leaning in or smiling, can show acceptance of flirtation. However, communication about appropriate timing for flirtatious behavior is essential.
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