A 2021 Pew Research Center survey shows an increasing number of childless adults in the U.S. do not anticipate ever having children. Reasons vary, including medical conditions and financial concerns, but many simply choose not to have them. If this resonates with you, you might encounter unwelcome questions or comments.
Angela L. Harris, who is child-free by choice, often experiences such inquiries. As a doctorate holder in clinical psychology and the founder of #NoBibsBurpsBottles, an online community for Black women who choose this lifestyle, she emphasizes the importance of owning your decision. Harris advises, “If you don’t feel like explaining, don’t explain. Your life is your life.”
To learn more about the child-free lifestyle by choice, you can tune into the Life Kit podcast on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
Harris shares that she frequently explains her choice, especially if people show genuine curiosity. She believes sharing is a way to reduce stigma. Sometimes her responses are heartfelt; other times she uses humor. “I think there’s a playful and joking way in which you can respond,” she suggests.
Discussing this choice with parents or partners can pose challenges. Harris recommends waiting until you are ready. “When you are comfortable and confident in your decision, approach your family and say, ‘Hey, I don’t plan to have children. Please stop asking.'”
When talking to a partner, conversation is key. “If one wants children and the other doesn’t, there shouldn’t be manipulation. It needs to be a mutual respect for each choice,” Harris advises.
Your Turn: Do you choose to be child-free? Share your experiences with unsolicited questions and comments. Email your story to [email protected] with ‘Child-free’ in the subject line by Wednesday, May 3. We may feature your response on NPR.org.
The audio version is hosted by Marielle Segarra, produced by Clare Marie Schneider, and edited by Meghan Keane. Digital adaptation was directed by Beck Harlan and edited by Danielle Nett. Listen to Life Kit on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, or subscribe to our newsletter.
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