A typical morning with young children often involves minor chaos. One child may struggle with putting on shoes. Another frets about finding clothes to wear. Another feels anxiety about being late. The initial parental response might be to impose sanctions, like cutting screen time or sending them to their rooms. However, clinical psychologist Becky Kennedy offers an alternative.
Rather than defaulting to time-outs or punishments, Kennedy suggests understanding the root of a child’s behavior. She advocates for assuming that children are inherently “good inside.” This approach encourages parents to focus on the intentions and reasoning behind a child’s actions, rather than making assumptions about their character.
Kennedy, based in New York City, is not only a mother of three but also a prominent figure in the field of parenting advice. Her book, “Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be,” and her podcast provide insights into handling common behavioral issues in children.
Exploring the “Good Inside” Mentality
When faced with challenging behavior, such as a child hitting a sibling, parents might question their child’s behavior rather than their inherent goodness. This approach prioritizes curiosity: asking why the child acted out rather than reacting with frustration and anger.
The “good inside” mentality differentiates between a child’s identity and their actions. Addressing the inappropriate behavior involves direct intervention, such as telling the child hitting is unacceptable, while also acknowledging the hurt caused to the sibling.
Fostering Connection Over Correction
Kennedy recommends prioritizing connection with the child experiencing difficulty. Understanding the child’s struggle fosters a supportive environment. This might involve telling a child, “I’m here for you. We’ll work through this together.” This approach emphasizes connection and understanding over punishment, which can lead to increased shame and feelings of inadequacy in children.
For parents who have resorted to yelling or discipline, repairing the relationship involves acknowledging past events. They can explain their reaction and share what could have been done differently, emphasizing the ongoing learning process of managing emotions.
Becky Kennedy’s insights underscore the importance of fostering an empathetic, validating environment for children. This approach encourages growth and development beyond mere behavior correction.
The conversation with Becky Kennedy is available on the Life Kit podcast, offering further exploration of effective parenting strategies.
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