As I approached the ultrasound that day, anxiety overwhelmed me. Given our past experiences, it was understandable. I’ve spent my life in Valparaiso, Indiana. For the last eight years, my husband Ryan has been my constant support.
In 2022, we joyfully welcomed our daughter Nellie into the world. Doctors assured us of her health, and we went home. That night, after a late bedtime, I discovered she had passed away. The loss felt insurmountable, yet we persisted.
In 2024, we turned to IVF. It was challenging, resulting in zero eggs from two retrievals. We paused the process for a time. Surprisingly, I became naturally pregnant in 2025, but it lasted just days. Though painful, losing Nellie had been harder.
We resumed IVF at a new clinic and received different results. I became pregnant again. Joy mixed with doubt. At nine weeks, an ultrasound revealed less than expected. The flicker of a heartbeat brought uncertainty.
Research and prayers filled my days until another ultrasound in July. Anxiety grew. Living temporarily with in-laws due to a power outage, I shared my worries with Ryan and my mother-in-law. We knew our baby, Poppy, was a girl, but fear lingered.
During that ultrasound, I recorded the appointment for hopeful news. The technician delivered a devastating update: no heartbeat. Poppy’s growth was behind expectations.
Shock consumed me. I reached for Ryan, seeking comfort. The technician touched me, which felt intrusive. I insisted on no contact, focusing solely on my husband.
Back at my in-laws’, grief enveloped us. Yet, I shared the ultrasound footage on TikTok, maintaining my candid narrative. I aim to offer support to others facing infertility and loss.
Criticism arose regarding my reaction to the technician, yet vulnerability made her presence uncomfortable. Many appreciate the honesty in my posts. Sharing the ups and downs, including the joys and heartbreaks, forms my journey.
Loss feels crushing in moments, but hope persists. I remain determined for a healthy family. Following a dilation and curettage, I am recovering well.
Watching the video reminds me of that shock and heartache, but I’ve survived the worst. Losing Nellie prepared me to endure this setback, not as an end, but as part of our IVF journey.
Support from Ryan, my family, and especially my father, Jeff Shaw, guides me. Our doctor has crafted a plan for our next steps, including another embryo transfer. Hope continues to light our path forward.
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