Illustrations by Kristen Uroda for NPR
In middle school, I’d spend hours on the phone with my cousin in a dark closet, sharing secret stories and enjoying each other’s company. Recently, my cousin was again my pillar of support when I battled breast cancer. As I sat in the chemo chair, she was there holding my hand, bringing laughter to a difficult situation.
The diagnosis at 34 was life-changing and shocking. Despite everything, I never felt alone due to the unwavering support of friends and family. Knowing how to support someone with cancer can be challenging. Based on personal experience and discussions with other survivors, I’ve identified essential roles that help those with cancer.
National Cancer Institute Insights: 39% of Americans will face a cancer diagnosis at some point.
Role No. 1: Doctor’s Appointment Buddy
During the early days of my diagnosis, I attended numerous doctor appointments, seeking multiple opinions. Having someone there to take notes and ask pertinent questions was invaluable. My friend Zoe Saunders accompanied me, using her skills as an audio producer to support and summarize discussions with the surgeon. She meticulously prepared and checked off questions during our appointment, ensuring thorough documentation.
This role may fit: If you’re organized, detail-oriented, and comfortable in medical settings, or possess a medical background. Rich Coker, an NPR listener, shared that having doctor friends inquire about overlooked areas was critical for his wife Maya.
Role No. 2: Procedure Pal and Patient Advocate
Attending scans, surgeries, and chemotherapy appointments involves more than taking notes; it requires offering emotional and physical support and advocating for the patient. Chemo sessions were lengthy, demanding comfort and courage from companions to address my needs, whether it involved warming me up or advocating for medication.
This role may fit: If you’re comfortable with physical touch, silence, or cheerful interaction, and willing to advocate. Flexibility in such environments is key.
Role No. 3: Companion After Surgeries or Infusions
Post-chemo days were tough. A friend consistently visited with lentil soup, understanding my cravings for creamy textures due to mouth sores and taste loss. Thoughtful gifts like headscarves and simple companionship provided crucial comfort during recovery.
This role may fit: If you remain mentally strong despite witnessing recovery challenges, such as incisions or discomfort.
Role No. 4: Household Helper and Meal Planner
Offering to handle daily tasks alleviates the mental burden for someone undergoing treatment. Meal deliveries, chore assistance, and coordinated schedules for support simplify life. Simple offers like doing laundry, dog walking, or tidying demonstrate initiative and care.
This role may fit: If organizing and planning come easily, and taking initiative to aid others feels natural.
A Last Tip: Debra Jarvis, a podcast host and cancer survivor, advises asking loved ones, “Where are you with all this today?” Listening patiently can lead to more profound insights into their state of mind.
Share your experiences with us on our voicemail line at 202-216-9823, or email [email protected]. Explore Life Kit on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or receive updates via our newsletter. Follow our journey on Instagram: @nprlifekit.
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