Growing Up Without a Father: Finding Support and Mentorship

On Father’s Day, contributor Charles Blow reflects on the experience of growing up without a father. He acknowledges the void left when a father is absent in a boy’s life.

Blow shares that his parents separated when he was five years old. His father’s struggle with alcoholism further distanced him from the family. Blow describes his father as an erratic presence, who would occasionally appear in the middle of the night, disrupting the family’s peace.

Despite this absence, Blow considers himself fortunate. He experienced the support of other men who filled the gap. Grandfathers, uncles, neighbors, and coaches provided essential guidance and role modeling. This kind of support is crucial for boys as they mature.

Blow expresses a desire for all boys in similar situations to have access to a community of supportive men. He reflects on discovering an organization in New Orleans called Son of a Saint. This group addresses the needs of boys whose fathers have died or are incarcerated. The organization was founded by Bivian “Sonny” Lee III in 2011. Lee, whose father played for the New Orleans Saints, died when Lee was three years old. He dedicates his efforts to aiding boys who face similar challenges.

During a visit to Son of a Saint’s headquarters, Blow observed the organization’s work firsthand. The facility serves as a community center for the boys. It offers various classes, including popular cooking classes, and holds meetings. The organization provides mentors and case teams to ensure each boy’s needs are met, from academics to emotional support.

Blow recounts attending a wellness class, where boys engaged in mental health education. He notes the importance of discussing these concepts without judgement or the constraints of toxic masculinity.

Meeting twin brothers Michael and Robert, Blow learned of their experiences. They joined the program after their father’s death three years prior. The boys spoke enthusiastically about attending summer camps in the Northeast, funded by Son of a Saint.

Blow asked the boys how they celebrate Father’s Day. Many of them mentioned spending the day with mentors from the program. These men have stepped in to provide support and guidance in lieu of their absent fathers.

For more information, visit: Son of a Saint